Raising children = fear. For their safety, their wellbeing. We try to protect them, keep them safe, shelter them from harm. But in
the process we may not realize that we are unwittingly passing down our own fears and anxieties — whether it’s a fear of
something tangible like airplane travel, dogs, heights or anxiety over something less concrete like social skills. Younger children
react to what their parents do and say — whether these are good habits parents want to encourage, or bad habits they
don’t want to install.

(Grindylows are water demons that appear to us from British folklore. They were water demons that liked to wait in cold water for a victim to happen by – usually a child. When a child ventured into cold water, the Grindylow would pull him into the water with long fingers and drown him. It is thought that the Grindylow was invented to keep children from wandering off into dangerous waters…)Read More


Intro – to identify with the Bali sequel….

(RUMI – A Persian poet, Sufi master, born 807 years ago, wrote volumes of the most exquisite poems about life, love and loss. The Forty Rules of Love… He wrote: You Have A Purpose That Only You Can Share With The World – I call for you to take a brave step into your quest for an extraordinary life. The first step from within is always the hardest. But taking this step is one that could be enough to create a chain reaction for every life decision you make going forward. Become your own catalyst — do it now.

Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.Read More


Early Saturday morning. My car, the parking lot at the Mall. Couldn’t remember how I got there. One of those days… when
you don’t see… don’t hear… don’t feel. I wandered, looking listlessly at… thoughts elsewhere, far from the beautiful decorations. Stared unseeingly at displays in windows… magical beaches, palm trees, laughing people. Wondered fleetingly when last I laughed unpretentiously, spontaneously. No escape from… a sadness that enfolded… engulfed… overshadowing all joy… all happiness.

Hours later – found myself in the smoking section of the Spur.. on my 5th cigarette… staring in utter horror at the air-tickets in
front of me. A return ticket to Bali. Booked, paid. Flying in less than two months!!! What have I done!!! Have I lost my mind. Read More


LOVE is weakest when there is more DOUBT than TRUST

but LOVE is strongest when

we learn to TRUST in spite of the DOUBTS

I’ve walked the road from hell to health. I’m ready for the next chapter… to meet someone .. the so called soul mate. Me, I prefer a friend, a companion, a partner on life’s journey. Introduced to him by friends of friends of friends… who supposedly know it all… Then followed the normal rigmarole…coffee, dinner, movie…

Surprisingly the conversation doesn’t start off with the endless questions about your past relationships / marriage (s) / partnerships / sex-life… but rather general stuff… hobbies… daily activities. For the first time in this dating disaster I walk away not feeling drained, probed into… scalpel-like analysed… judged. Added him to whats Up… exchanging funny videos…jokes… witty slogans…all laughter and fun. Looking forward to the daily encounters. Then the calling at evenings-of-off-days-not-meeting… chatting about the day’s ordeals, the ups and the downs…
The days grow into weeks. The weeks into months… 7 months down the line. Heavier stuff… the unavoidable questions… the past relationships… the sex-life experiences… the wondering “How”… comparing “With”… doubting “If”…Stress… Trust-issues… Why not responding… what is he doing?? Losing interest??? Maybe back to her?? Maybe realized not compatible??

Before you know it – major distrust… wondering becomes reality. Probing into… questioning … arguing …. destruction… Distrust starts as a split-second thought… grows into an all-consuming ostrich-egg-seize tumor. It fills your brain. It spreads like cancer…engulfs your soul, your mind. It determines your emotions… triggers your actions. 
The relationship cannot survive….sustain…endure.
It collapses. 

The lesson. We all have past relationships. We all carry burdens of sadness, harm, broken hearts, broken dreams… all of which were caused by unfaithfulness, dishonesty, lies, deceit or maybe just plain falling-out-of love.

“Relationships don’t have to be a complete open book,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, says. 
Here are a few things from your past you might want to share, versus things you’re not obligated to share with your new partner.


1. Your Current Health
You should share health issues, especially issues that may affect having children or debilitating illnesses that can impair your ability to do certain activities
2. Your History Of Cheating
If you’ve cheated on partners in the past, it may be a good idea to let your current significant other know about it. “It will cause a lot of pain and lead to loss of trust if your partner finds out first from a source other than you. By taking matters into your own hands,  you’ll be showing your partner that you’ve moved on from this habit — and that can help establish trust.
3. Your Financial Situation
“Your partner is entitled to know if old financial problems (liens, tax issues, unresolved debts, bankruptcy) are liable to haunt your relationship,”
4. Past Traumatic Events
While you may not be leaping to tell your partner about traumatizing events from your past — mostly because these topics can be super tough to talk about — these are things you might want to consider sharing if they’re still affecting you today and you’re comfortable with telling them.
5. Any History Of Anxiety & Depression
Again, this one may not be easy to open up about. But if you’re in a serious relationship, there are so many benefits to being honest with your partner about your history of mental health issues.If this is an ongoing issue for you, then it’s definitely something to consider sharing. If you are going to be intimate with your partner in any sense, then part of that intimacy is sharing your health — particularly if it is something that you may need them to support you in down the road  
6.Why Your Last Relationship Ended
Even though it may be awkward, there are so many benefits to discussing why your last relationship ended. Were there communication issues? Was there any dealbreakers that ended things? Whatever it was, let your partner know.
7.Problems You’ve Overcome
If you went through something super embarrassing in the past, but have come out the other side a better person, go ahead and let your partner know. 

DON’T TELL!!!!!!

8. DON’T SHARE Intimate Details About Your Past
There’s no hard and fast rule about what you should or shouldn’t share with your partner, when it comes to exes, or things you’ve experienced in the past. That said, you may want to take comfort levels into account, before opening up.

9.Don’t Share: Your Past Sexual Partners
One thing you don’t have to share, is how many sexual partners you’ve had. It’s 100 percent possible to have a healthy relationship without divulging these types of details from your past, so the choice is up to you regarding sharing this type of info. It’s really none of your partner’s business, after all.

10. Don’t Share: What You Liked Best About Your Ex
When talking about an ex, it’s important that you don’t complicate your relationship — and chemistry — through comparisons.. And that includes sharing with your partner information about your ex, and what you liked about them in bed. If you’re trying to get a convo going about your sexual chemistry, do so without making direction comparisons. 

Leave the issues behind and be happy!!



(Note from author: The Shoreline of the San is a hike of not more than 17 km per day at a relaxed pace. By no means the marathon time in which I attempted to complete it. It is well organised and Silent Steps went out of their way to make it a most enjoyable experience.)

1981, 1h00 in the morning… from Kuil’s River to Stellenbosch. Me, in long evening dress, high heels, very cheerful. Hiking!!! Needless to say…. it had nothing to do with any road from Hell to Health!!! With no cell phone, Uber, 911…HAWKS to rescue! My last hike.

Now, a millennium later, my 2nd attempt…. 70 kilometers… Eland’s Bay to Strandfontein… The Shoreline of the San. It was mentioned by a friend… kept haunting me. This is what you need….meditating, clearing your mind, your thoughts… re-organizing life, finding your senses…. Mainly… a battle with yourself!!!Read More


(Assigned to you – a mother… but so much more…also a woman of extra ordinary strength.)

It’s a steep road… tiresome… and sometimes you just need a breather… look back… revel in each conquest… celebrate your victories… however small.

Because you may have

Been rejected…
Been sad…
Been depressed…
Been angry…
Been bitter…
Had regrets…
Been impoverished…
Been humiliated… embarrassed…
You survived
You’re still here!!!
You’re living, breathing, working, caring, loving…
Why??? Because you’re a woman

One of the strongest!!!

Let me take you on a quick walk down memory lane….to where it all began ….some time ago…

You were vulnerable… lost… angry and sad. So very worried. About your future… where you would go… live… be… end-up … the children… single parent… coping… financially, emotionally. A life of minimums… an absent parent… unexpected, unannounced visits…the new step-mother…adjustment… preparing for… drying tears, answering questions…the never-to-return-again…listening to the sobbing at night.

Remember the vast litigation… endless fear… protection orders… maintenance battles… yelling, screaming, abuse… fighting about…furniture, dogs….a life turned upside down!!! Days in court …waiting… waiting.

You’ve came a long way…and conquered mountains!!!
Because you know the difference between –

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her
but a woman of strength gives the best in what she does.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in future
but a woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly
but a woman of strength also knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.
(By sharon simani)

The UNIVERSE salutes you!!!

This is your song… each of you personifies this Seagull… lost at first…and then…. with unknown strength…. got up… to rise… to soar… above your own expectations…exceeding your own limits… to final victory…



This shit house is falling apart!!! Nothing is working!!! Switch on a light… fuses!!! Plugs… dead. Geyser…cold. Stove…trips. Pool pump…ontplof. Roof… leaking!!! Basin … blocked. I cannot take this anymore. The least HE could have done is fix the sinking ship before leaving… But NO.. couldn’t get away quickly enough!!! Now I’m sitting in this dump with a handyman that’s fast becoming a family friend… costing me a fortune. NO, NO, NO!!! It’s time for Hanlie D.I.Y to rise from the dead…Read More


The more I think, the angrier I get. How I hate HIM!!! To dump me for a blond Poppie, half his age with probably one brain cell!!! Absurd. Unthinkable!!! Unimaginable!!!  Embarrassing!!! BUT mark my words. No one will ever have the privilege to mess with me again. Not in a million years!!! Over my dead body!!! Hanlie-war-machine-not-to-be-messed-around-ever-again is starting her new life as from today. New look, new demeanor, new fokkin alles!!! Let me get out of this bed. Sleeping time is over. It’s time for change. Big change. Complete change. Transformation!!! World, here I come. THE NEW ME!!!Read More

The Madness of our Actions VIRGIN TO BE… – THE ACTIVE ONE….

It’s time for stocktaking… 8 months since my divorce. I have money, nice clothes, nice car, nice friends, nice house, nice dog…. nice …everything… and still gatvol .. grumpy.. dissatisfied… therapy weekly… enough!!! This shit must now stop!!! Right now!!! TODAY.Friend Google – no zest for life after divorce?? Serotonin levels low….. Exercise more…

Read More


My last diet attempt was in High School. My sister and I, both desperate to loose weight, borrowed a book from the library (which somehow never found it’s way back) with every possible diet under the sun.Read More

DIVORCE – The untold truth

A journey from hell to health
Step by Step – Explicitly Told

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