DIVORCE MADNESS: THE UNTOLD TRUTH – THE SHIT OF POST-DIVORCE DATING AND THE TERROR-REBOUND….

Three weeks after my divorce I was gallivanting with a junior article clerk, intoxicating looks, half my age for two weeks on an exotic island… temporarily forgetting that my life was in shambles… a 40-year-old single mother of two teenage sons…barely qualified attorney… hardly self-supportive… very irresponsible for a start. We’d go on long hikes, spend afternoons wrapped in my bed sheets, travel to tropical beaches…never to reach the crystal blue waters…Read More

THE FINAL STAGE OF GRIEF: ACCEPTANCE… THE SHIT HAPPENED… LIFE GOES ON ADAPT OR DIE

Closure comes to us from within.
It comes when we accept that letting go and
Moving forward is more important than
Remaining stuck in a situation that is no longer us.
With a person that is no longer us.

I blamed everyone. My Ex. His work. My work…long hours… children… time consuming… my parents for interfering… family familiarity… Her, the sun, the moon, the stars!!! All but myself. I was blameless…guiltless. The world according to Garp… facts imprinted in my soul… I had no part to play in this fokkop!!! It was his entire fault. His infidelity… his affair…his adulterous nature… Now I must suffer!!!
Acceptance evaded me. I couldn’t adjust to the picture of my new reality… my new life. Read More

THE ROAD FROM HELL TO HEALTH – DATING AND TRUST: BABY STEPS

LOVE is weakest when there is more DOUBT than TRUST

but LOVE is strongest when

we learn to TRUST in spite of the DOUBTS

I’ve walked the road from hell to health. I’m ready for the next chapter… to meet someone .. the so called soul mate. Me, I prefer a friend, a companion, a partner on life’s journey. Introduced to him by friends of friends of friends… who supposedly know it all… Then followed the normal rigmarole…coffee, dinner, movie…

Surprisingly the conversation doesn’t start off with the endless questions about your past relationships / marriage (s) / partnerships / sex-life… but rather general stuff… hobbies… daily activities. For the first time in this dating disaster I walk away not feeling drained, probed into… scalpel-like analysed… judged. Added him to whats Up… exchanging funny videos…jokes… witty slogans…all laughter and fun. Looking forward to the daily encounters. Then the calling at evenings-of-off-days-not-meeting… chatting about the day’s ordeals, the ups and the downs…
The days grow into weeks. The weeks into months… 7 months down the line. Heavier stuff… the unavoidable questions… the past relationships… the sex-life experiences… the wondering “How”… comparing “With”… doubting “If”…Stress… Trust-issues… Why not responding… what is he doing?? Losing interest??? Maybe back to her?? Maybe realized not compatible??

Before you know it – major distrust… wondering becomes reality. Probing into… questioning … arguing …. destruction… Distrust starts as a split-second thought… grows into an all-consuming ostrich-egg-seize tumor. It fills your brain. It spreads like cancer…engulfs your soul, your mind. It determines your emotions… triggers your actions. 
The relationship cannot survive….sustain…endure.
It collapses. 

The lesson. We all have past relationships. We all carry burdens of sadness, harm, broken hearts, broken dreams… all of which were caused by unfaithfulness, dishonesty, lies, deceit or maybe just plain falling-out-of love.

“Relationships don’t have to be a complete open book,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, says. 
Here are a few things from your past you might want to share, versus things you’re not obligated to share with your new partner.

SHARE

1. Your Current Health
You should share health issues, especially issues that may affect having children or debilitating illnesses that can impair your ability to do certain activities
2. Your History Of Cheating
If you’ve cheated on partners in the past, it may be a good idea to let your current significant other know about it. “It will cause a lot of pain and lead to loss of trust if your partner finds out first from a source other than you. By taking matters into your own hands,  you’ll be showing your partner that you’ve moved on from this habit — and that can help establish trust.
3. Your Financial Situation
“Your partner is entitled to know if old financial problems (liens, tax issues, unresolved debts, bankruptcy) are liable to haunt your relationship,”
4. Past Traumatic Events
While you may not be leaping to tell your partner about traumatizing events from your past — mostly because these topics can be super tough to talk about — these are things you might want to consider sharing if they’re still affecting you today and you’re comfortable with telling them.
5. Any History Of Anxiety & Depression
Again, this one may not be easy to open up about. But if you’re in a serious relationship, there are so many benefits to being honest with your partner about your history of mental health issues.If this is an ongoing issue for you, then it’s definitely something to consider sharing. If you are going to be intimate with your partner in any sense, then part of that intimacy is sharing your health — particularly if it is something that you may need them to support you in down the road  
6.Why Your Last Relationship Ended
Even though it may be awkward, there are so many benefits to discussing why your last relationship ended. Were there communication issues? Was there any dealbreakers that ended things? Whatever it was, let your partner know.
7.Problems You’ve Overcome
If you went through something super embarrassing in the past, but have come out the other side a better person, go ahead and let your partner know. 

DON’T TELL!!!!!!

8. DON’T SHARE Intimate Details About Your Past
There’s no hard and fast rule about what you should or shouldn’t share with your partner, when it comes to exes, or things you’ve experienced in the past. That said, you may want to take comfort levels into account, before opening up.

9.Don’t Share: Your Past Sexual Partners
One thing you don’t have to share, is how many sexual partners you’ve had. It’s 100 percent possible to have a healthy relationship without divulging these types of details from your past, so the choice is up to you regarding sharing this type of info. It’s really none of your partner’s business, after all.

10. Don’t Share: What You Liked Best About Your Ex
When talking about an ex, it’s important that you don’t complicate your relationship — and chemistry — through comparisons.. And that includes sharing with your partner information about your ex, and what you liked about them in bed. If you’re trying to get a convo going about your sexual chemistry, do so without making direction comparisons. 

Leave the issues behind and be happy!!

HV.

DIVORCE – THE UNTOLD TRUTH, THE HIDDEN SHIT: FEAR & VIOLENCE AND PROTECTION ORDERS

ABUSE

From the Depths of despair when my world fell apart
I felt all alone and heavy in heart
My life had been shattered by a tight fisted hand
Who could I turn to, who’d understand?
So with no self esteem and in a broken mess
I made a decision about my happiness
I took all my courage I could find
to make a stand for myself and leave him behind
Those first few months were the loneliest I’ve been
But I knew it was worth it not to be hit again
Again in finding myself I cried a river of tears
Learning to love me and facing my fears.
(Misty Wildes)Read More

THE MADNESS OF OUR EMOTIONS – THE SECOND STAGE – ANGER – IF MURDER WAS AN OPTION…

Anger
Anger is the clash of fear, hurt and rage
It’s the feeling of madness, emptiness and pain
Of telling yourself one thing and feeling another
Of hurting deep inside and layering one the covers
Fear of being scared, hurt or upset
Of having to face something you’d rather forget
Hurt from experience or something that’s hard
So you brick up your wall and put up your guard
Rage of pain being screwed up inside
Thinking that you’re not good enough
Feelings can hurt, can tear you apart
Can mix up your head and split up your heart.
Patricia McLarenRead More

CHALLENGE YOURSELF: WE HIKE WITH THE SAN … AND A FEW ANCESTORS…

(Note from author: The Shoreline of the San is a hike of not more than 17 km per day at a relaxed pace. By no means the marathon time in which I attempted to complete it. It is well organised and Silent Steps went out of their way to make it a most enjoyable experience.)

1981, 1h00 in the morning… from Kuil’s River to Stellenbosch. Me, in long evening dress, high heels, very cheerful. Hiking!!! Needless to say…. it had nothing to do with any road from Hell to Health!!! With no cell phone, Uber, 911…HAWKS to rescue! My last hike.

Now, a millennium later, my 2nd attempt…. 70 kilometers… Eland’s Bay to Strandfontein… The Shoreline of the San. It was mentioned by a friend… kept haunting me. This is what you need….meditating, clearing your mind, your thoughts… re-organizing life, finding your senses…. Mainly… a battle with yourself!!!Read More

FROM HELL TO HEALTH – THE BATTLES CONQUERED

(Assigned to you – a mother… but so much more…also a woman of extra ordinary strength.)

It’s a steep road… tiresome… and sometimes you just need a breather… look back… revel in each conquest… celebrate your victories… however small.

Because you may have

Been rejected…
Been sad…
Been depressed…
Been angry…
Been bitter…
Had regrets…
Been impoverished…
Been humiliated… embarrassed…
BUT…
You survived
You’re still here!!!
You’re living, breathing, working, caring, loving…
Why??? Because you’re a woman
DIVORCED…Strong…

One of the strongest!!!

Let me take you on a quick walk down memory lane….to where it all began ….some time ago…

You were vulnerable… lost… angry and sad. So very worried. About your future… where you would go… live… be… end-up … the children… single parent… coping… financially, emotionally. A life of minimums… an absent parent… unexpected, unannounced visits…the new step-mother…adjustment… preparing for… drying tears, answering questions…the never-to-return-again…listening to the sobbing at night.

Remember the vast litigation… endless fear… protection orders… maintenance battles… yelling, screaming, abuse… fighting about…furniture, dogs….a life turned upside down!!! Days in court …waiting… waiting.

You’ve came a long way…and conquered mountains!!!
Because you know the difference between –

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her
but a woman of strength gives the best in what she does.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in future
but a woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly
but a woman of strength also knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.
(By sharon simani)

The UNIVERSE salutes you!!!

This is your song… each of you personifies this Seagull… lost at first…and then…. with unknown strength…. got up… to rise… to soar… above your own expectations…exceeding your own limits… to final victory…

HV.

THE DEVASTATION OF THE EMOTION – “I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH”

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” (Rhett Butler – Gone with the Wind)
In modern language…“Lol..I don’t give a shit!!!” 
Rejection at its best… Undeniably… unmistakably… true.
The message is clear… “I don’t love you. I don’t want you. I don’t need you.
INTERPRETED AS… I’m not good enough…Read More

DIVORCE – The untold truth

A journey from hell to health
Step by Step – Explicitly Told

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