Father Doesn’t Bother
My father doesn’t bother to write or contact me.
I wonder what the reason is for him not wanting me.
I thought you said you cared.
You left me here little, alone, and scared.
I would have been much better off
If you had stayed over here with me.
Instead of saying those things you said,
I worked so hard not to care.
I just feel so sad, lonely, and blue
If only you knew all the things I’ve been through.
I’m sure it would have tempted you with a reason to stay,
all you left me was a chill.
Now my heart is empty still.
Was it so hard to love your child?
I’m sure you had to leave the state.
I hope you know you made my fate.
My fate of not feeling worthy of love.
So if I ever see you again,
I’ll read you the title of this poem,
I’ll turn the other way and say,
My Father doesn’t bother.
(Savannah L. Jackson)
Published: February 2006Read More
CHALLENGE YOURSELF: EAT, PRAY, LOVE IN BALI: THE BATTLE WITH GRINDYLOWS … FINDING NEMO AND THE MERMAID
Raising children = fear. For their safety, their wellbeing. We try to protect them, keep them safe, shelter them from harm. But in
the process we may not realize that we are unwittingly passing down our own fears and anxieties — whether it’s a fear of
something tangible like airplane travel, dogs, heights or anxiety over something less concrete like social skills. Younger children
react to what their parents do and say — whether these are good habits parents want to encourage, or bad habits they
don’t want to install.
(Grindylows are water demons that appear to us from British folklore. They were water demons that liked to wait in cold water for a victim to happen by – usually a child. When a child ventured into cold water, the Grindylow would pull him into the water with long fingers and drown him. It is thought that the Grindylow was invented to keep children from wandering off into dangerous waters…)Read More
Intro – to identify with the Bali sequel….
(RUMI – A Persian poet, Sufi master, born 807 years ago, wrote volumes of the most exquisite poems about life, love and loss. The Forty Rules of Love… He wrote: You Have A Purpose That Only You Can Share With The World – I call for you to take a brave step into your quest for an extraordinary life. The first step from within is always the hardest. But taking this step is one that could be enough to create a chain reaction for every life decision you make going forward. Become your own catalyst — do it now.
Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.Read More
Early Saturday morning. My car, the parking lot at the Mall. Couldn’t remember how I got there. One of those days… when
you don’t see… don’t hear… don’t feel. I wandered, looking listlessly at… thoughts elsewhere, far from the beautiful decorations. Stared unseeingly at displays in windows… magical beaches, palm trees, laughing people. Wondered fleetingly when last I laughed unpretentiously, spontaneously. No escape from… a sadness that enfolded… engulfed… overshadowing all joy… all happiness.
Hours later – found myself in the smoking section of the Spur.. on my 5th cigarette… staring in utter horror at the air-tickets in
front of me. A return ticket to Bali. Booked, paid. Flying in less than two months!!! What have I done!!! Have I lost my mind. Read More
Everything was settled… divided. The pension fund, the house, policies, investments, shares, the children, cars, the dogs…except…. the furniture. For days they argued… one meeting after the other… mediation, facilitation, arbitration… no success. Read More
Three weeks after my divorce I was gallivanting with a junior article clerk, intoxicating looks, half my age for two weeks on an exotic island… temporarily forgetting that my life was in shambles… a 40-year-old single mother of two teenage sons…barely qualified attorney… hardly self-supportive… very irresponsible for a start. We’d go on long hikes, spend afternoons wrapped in my bed sheets, travel to tropical beaches…never to reach the crystal blue waters…Read More
My wedding-ring lies in a basket
as if at the bottom of a well.
Nothing will come to fish it back up
and onto my finger again.
among keys to abandoned houses,
nails waiting to be needed and hammered
into some wall,
telephone numbers with no names attached,
It can’t be given away
for fear of bringing ill-luck.
It can’t be sold
for the marriage was good in its own
time, though that time is gone.
Could some artificer
beat into it bright stones, transform it
into a dazzling circlet no one could take
for solemn betrothal or to make promises
living will not let them keep? Change it
into a simple gift I could give in friendship?
“Wedding-Ring” by Denise Levertov
I walked out as poor as a church mouse. My only valuables… my pride, my figure and a few pieces of second hand furniture. And, of course, my wedding ring – a brilliant, one carat flawless clear white diamond…. worth a fortune.
Closure comes to us from within.
It comes when we accept that letting go and
Moving forward is more important than
Remaining stuck in a situation that is no longer us.
With a person that is no longer us.
I blamed everyone. My Ex. His work. My work…long hours… children… time consuming… my parents for interfering… family familiarity… Her, the sun, the moon, the stars!!! All but myself. I was blameless…guiltless. The world according to Garp… facts imprinted in my soul… I had no part to play in this fokkop!!! It was his entire fault. His infidelity… his affair…his adulterous nature… Now I must suffer!!!
Acceptance evaded me. I couldn’t adjust to the picture of my new reality… my new life. Read More
Love After Love – Poem by Derek Walcott
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,Read More