Intro – to identify with the Bali sequel….
(RUMI – A Persian poet, Sufi master, born 807 years ago, wrote volumes of the most exquisite poems about life, love and loss. The Forty Rules of Love… He wrote: You Have A Purpose That Only You Can Share With The World – I call for you to take a brave step into your quest for an extraordinary life. The first step from within is always the hardest. But taking this step is one that could be enough to create a chain reaction for every life decision you make going forward. Become your own catalyst — do it now.
Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.
When we are children, we explore our environments like little scientists thirsty to grow and learn in new ways. We are eager and ready to transform. Over time, we can become stuck and our spirit can feel broken through the challenges that seem unfair and bigger than life. In order to move forward, we need to be honest with ourselves. What do we need? How are we really feeling? Putting on a brave face or sugar coating things can create the illusion to everyone around us that everything is great, but if we aren’t being honest with ourselves, it won’t be long before a serious feeling of uneasiness creeps into our being. We may be able to temporarily trick ourselves into believing the façade, but we can’t hide from ourselves for very long. I believe that the sooner we are honest with ourselves and honor ourselves by living from a place of integrity, the easier it becomes to face challenges with grace and a willingness to learn. I believe the way to help our spirit come back to that place of wholeness is to be curious about the different ways and options of moving through life. We can transform our challenges into opportunities for growth by allowing the struggles to unfold, by moving ‘through’ the obstacles and by experiencing every little part without losing ourselves along the way. All throughout the journey of life, we are afforded opportunities to continually grow and expand our scope of what is possible. We are surrounded by so many incredible things, people and natural beauty. When we are open and inquisitive, we are more apt to find the inspiration to move forward, live fully, grow and heal wounds. When we are curious about how we can grow through our struggles, we have more of a chance of coming through the other end stronger. The way to do that… to challenge yourself… to move out of your comfort zone… to challenge your fears head on.
That was what my Bali experience had become. A challenge of numerous fears… and I will share each one with you as I have managed to conquer them… one by one.
8h00, collected by Bali Watersports at my hotel. The promise… a day of fun at Nusa Dua. I’m terrified. Never in my life been on a jet ski, behind a boat, in a para shoot, under the sea… not even snorkel. It took an hour through madness-traffic to get there. Bali people learnt traffic rules from the Italians… no flickers, no signs, no robots, fokkol… drive on instinct, brakes and shouting from windows. I was a wreck when we eventually arrived there.
Chaos waited. A bay reserved for water sports… hundreds of boats, jet skis, banana boats, Para-shoots everywhere!!!. No smoke-break. Out to sea, parasailing first on the list. Fuck! In harness hoisted onto deck, shivering with cold… mostly fear.
Then. Suddenly. The lever holding me to the safety of the boat released!!! I was soaring through the air to dizzying heights. Screaming. Yelling. Swearing. A million thoughts crossing my mind as I looked down. Fast disappearing… Miniature boats, people, the deep-deep waters below me. What about…my children. My grand children. My life!!! And all the shit I’ve done, said, thought … most of which I’ve not asked forgiveness for!!! Too late now. Praying. Looking at the thin cable between me and death. Calling my Guardian Angel. Promising to never again…. The winch stopped. I was hanging in mid-air… the cable creaking terrifyingly. Swinging hence and forth….. stomach turning with each movement… beyond myself with fear. Wanted to escape. To be somewhere else… in the comfort of… Not here!!!
Screaming. No one heard. Just the thundering noise of boats, waves, excitement. I heard my sister… breath, breath… And I did. I calmed down. Looked around me… realizing that whatever happened, I’m OK. I’ve done what I had to do in my life. Nothing more. I can just as well enjoy the beauty of what I see. Because it was… just that… breathtakingly beautiful. And I slowly started to relax… enjoy… revel in what I have accomplished… my fear conquered… satisfied in the knowing. I have arrived. I have seen… I have no fear.
I was elated when I skid-fell on the deck… lying quietly for a minute. Just being… with myself.
The jet-ski next. Not so scary. Apart from the mad-man-child behind me steering… constantly asking “you have husband”, showing off his manhood by driving at death-wish speed, unexpectedly making a U-turn, nearly killing us both, deliberately cutting waves sideways… Me.. clinging for life… slipping and sliding… threatening him with an angry husband waiting…thanking the angels when the trip ended!!!
I sat on the beach watching the sunset… the end to my first day in Bali… brilliant colors of pink and orange painting the sky. And I thank the Universe. For a life well lived. For blessings uncountable. For this chance… for the strength in a body undeserved… the privilege to conquer a lifelong fear. Because not many die without being so fortunate… so blessed.
Had I known what awaited me the next day… I would have added a prayer…
(to be continued)