Early Saturday morning. My car, the parking lot at the Mall. Couldn’t remember how I got there. One of those days… when
you don’t see… don’t hear… don’t feel. I wandered, looking listlessly at… thoughts elsewhere, far from the beautiful decorations. Stared unseeingly at displays in windows… magical beaches, palm trees, laughing people. Wondered fleetingly when last I laughed unpretentiously, spontaneously. No escape from… a sadness that enfolded… engulfed… overshadowing all joy… all happiness.
Hours later – found myself in the smoking section of the Spur.. on my 5th cigarette… staring in utter horror at the air-tickets in
front of me. A return ticket to Bali. Booked, paid. Flying in less than two months!!! What have I done!!! Have I lost my mind.
The last thing I remembered was a picture of a woman on a bicycle… rice fields… remembering the book “Eat, Pray, Love” . And now …
I’m off to Bali!!!
Two weeks later. Time to apply my mind to the details of the trip… no delaying any longer.
“Do everything my Angel” – And I’ll do just that. Prove to myself I’m not dead yet!!!
Kuta – parasailing, fly-fishing, banana-boat, jet ski, sea-walking, scuba diving, snorkeling – 5 days to kill myself!!!
And, if I’m still alive, 3 days for the pray-part in Ubud… Then, with angelic intervention….
Love awaits me in Sanur…
What has started out to be an escape from …. whatever… has turned out be the challenge of my life… my journey in search of my lost spirit. Or soul for that matter. In Bali…
The though of going overseas on my own scared me to death. Children thought I’d lost my mind. “Ma is having a mid life crisis”
Friends sort of used to my on-the-spur-of-the-moment-madness decisions. Me?? Apart from being beside myself with fear… I
realized that I needed this in my life… to cross that last Rubicon… to be able to say with absolute certainty “I fear nothing on this earth”.
We all say these words so easily… “I’m not scared to die” or “I am afraid of nothing”…. yet… tried and tested?? Fail or succeed…
to be discovered.
My suitcase packed… very little but a few shorts, T-shirts and lots of swimsuits. Welcome Summer!!! Swim and Eat became one….
Not a thought about the Pray and Love part of the journey!
And off I went. Via Singapore to Bali… spending 24 hours on airports and airplanes before I eventually fell into the crystal clear
unbeknownst of what still awaited me on this unplanned but destined journey…
(to be continued)