LOVE is weakest when there is more DOUBT than TRUST
but LOVE is strongest when
we learn to TRUST in spite of the DOUBTS
I’ve walked the road from hell to health. I’m ready for the next chapter… to meet someone .. the so called soul mate. Me, I prefer a friend, a companion, a partner on life’s journey. Introduced to him by friends of friends of friends… who supposedly know it all… Then followed the normal rigmarole…coffee, dinner, movie…
Surprisingly the conversation doesn’t start off with the endless questions about your past relationships / marriage (s) / partnerships / sex-life… but rather general stuff… hobbies… daily activities. For the first time in this dating disaster I walk away not feeling drained, probed into… scalpel-like analysed… judged. Added him to whats Up… exchanging funny videos…jokes… witty slogans…all laughter and fun. Looking forward to the daily encounters. Then the calling at evenings-of-off-days-not-meeting… chatting about the day’s ordeals, the ups and the downs…
The days grow into weeks. The weeks into months… 7 months down the line. Heavier stuff… the unavoidable questions… the past relationships… the sex-life experiences… the wondering “How”… comparing “With”… doubting “If”…Stress… Trust-issues… Why not responding… what is he doing?? Losing interest??? Maybe back to her?? Maybe realized not compatible??
Before you know it – major distrust… wondering becomes reality. Probing into… questioning … arguing …. destruction… Distrust starts as a split-second thought… grows into an all-consuming ostrich-egg-seize tumor. It fills your brain. It spreads like cancer…engulfs your soul, your mind. It determines your emotions… triggers your actions.
The relationship cannot survive….sustain…endure.
The lesson. We all have past relationships. We all carry burdens of sadness, harm, broken hearts, broken dreams… all of which were caused by unfaithfulness, dishonesty, lies, deceit or maybe just plain falling-out-of love.
“Relationships don’t have to be a complete open book,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, says.
Here are a few things from your past you might want to share, versus things you’re not obligated to share with your new partner.
1. Your Current Health
You should share health issues, especially issues that may affect having children or debilitating illnesses that can impair your ability to do certain activities
2. Your History Of Cheating
If you’ve cheated on partners in the past, it may be a good idea to let your current significant other know about it. “It will cause a lot of pain and lead to loss of trust if your partner finds out first from a source other than you. By taking matters into your own hands, you’ll be showing your partner that you’ve moved on from this habit — and that can help establish trust.
3. Your Financial Situation
“Your partner is entitled to know if old financial problems (liens, tax issues, unresolved debts, bankruptcy) are liable to haunt your relationship,”
4. Past Traumatic Events
While you may not be leaping to tell your partner about traumatizing events from your past — mostly because these topics can be super tough to talk about — these are things you might want to consider sharing if they’re still affecting you today and you’re comfortable with telling them.
5. Any History Of Anxiety & Depression
Again, this one may not be easy to open up about. But if you’re in a serious relationship, there are so many benefits to being honest with your partner about your history of mental health issues.If this is an ongoing issue for you, then it’s definitely something to consider sharing. If you are going to be intimate with your partner in any sense, then part of that intimacy is sharing your health — particularly if it is something that you may need them to support you in down the road
6.Why Your Last Relationship Ended
Even though it may be awkward, there are so many benefits to discussing why your last relationship ended. Were there communication issues? Was there any dealbreakers that ended things? Whatever it was, let your partner know.
7.Problems You’ve Overcome
If you went through something super embarrassing in the past, but have come out the other side a better person, go ahead and let your partner know.
8. DON’T SHARE Intimate Details About Your Past
There’s no hard and fast rule about what you should or shouldn’t share with your partner, when it comes to exes, or things you’ve experienced in the past. That said, you may want to take comfort levels into account, before opening up.
9.Don’t Share: Your Past Sexual Partners
One thing you don’t have to share, is how many sexual partners you’ve had. It’s 100 percent possible to have a healthy relationship without divulging these types of details from your past, so the choice is up to you regarding sharing this type of info. It’s really none of your partner’s business, after all.
10. Don’t Share: What You Liked Best About Your Ex
When talking about an ex, it’s important that you don’t complicate your relationship — and chemistry — through comparisons.. And that includes sharing with your partner information about your ex, and what you liked about them in bed. If you’re trying to get a convo going about your sexual chemistry, do so without making direction comparisons.
Leave the issues behind and be happy!!
From the Depths of despair when my world fell apart
I felt all alone and heavy in heart
My life had been shattered by a tight fisted hand
Who could I turn to, who’d understand?
So with no self esteem and in a broken mess
I made a decision about my happiness
I took all my courage I could find
to make a stand for myself and leave him behind
Those first few months were the loneliest I’ve been
But I knew it was worth it not to be hit again
Again in finding myself I cried a river of tears
Learning to love me and facing my fears.
(Misty Wildes)Read More
Anger is the clash of fear, hurt and rage
It’s the feeling of madness, emptiness and pain
Of telling yourself one thing and feeling another
Of hurting deep inside and layering one the covers
Fear of being scared, hurt or upset
Of having to face something you’d rather forget
Hurt from experience or something that’s hard
So you brick up your wall and put up your guard
Rage of pain being screwed up inside
Thinking that you’re not good enough
Feelings can hurt, can tear you apart
Can mix up your head and split up your heart.
Patricia McLarenRead More