This shit house is falling apart!!! Nothing is working!!! Switch on a light… fuses!!! Plugs… dead. Geyser…cold. Stove…trips. Pool pump…ontplof. Roof… leaking!!! Basin … blocked. I cannot take this anymore. The least HE could have done is fix the sinking ship before leaving… But NO.. couldn’t get away quickly enough!!! Now I’m sitting in this dump with a handyman that’s fast becoming a family friend… costing me a fortune. NO, NO, NO!!! It’s time for Hanlie D.I.Y to rise from the dead…

Google… “Basic tools for D.I.Y indoors...”

Toolbox Necessities:
You can build your own basic toolbox to include common repair tools such as:
A 14- or 16-ounce hammer
Standard and Phillips screwdrivers
Pliers
An adjustable wrench
A basin wrench
A 2-inch paintbrush
A handsaw or power saw
A hand drill or power drill
Assorted fasteners
Glues and adhesives for wood and plastic

Gaaf. Oh my word… another thing… a tape measure and Jack Hammer… let me put that on the list as well… “next page”…
“a Plumbers’ snake” – wonderful… my one wash basin is hoeka blocked… that will be my first job.

Off to Builders…

Home.. bankrupt!!! Unpack. Can’t wait for Job 1 – unblock toilet and basin…wait!! Just let me change the kitchen bulb first… it’s almost dark and I cannot walk around one more night with a candle in my own kitchen!!! Google: “How to change a bulb –
A step-by-step guide to changing a light bulb.
Step 1: Turn Off The Power. Never attempt to change a light bulb with the power still connected. …
Step 2: Allow The Bulb To Cool. …
Step 3: Use A Ladder. …
Step 4: Remove The Old Bulb. …
Step 5: Insert The Replacement Bulb. …
Step 6: Switch On The Power.
Step 7: Dispose Of Your Old Bulb.

OK. No ladder. Bar chair will have to do. Luckily a hanging lamp… Dolf!!! Eva!!! Get Off!!! Moeksie busy with a higher calling… fixing ons huisie… Go guard the house!!! Struggling… bulb stuck… on my toes… No…No…No…chair tilting…. DOLF!!! OFF MANN!!! OH NO… Chair dangerously tilting… SHIT, I’M FALLING!!! Grabbing… Holding on to light… SHIT, SHIT!!! The entire ceiling is coming down… Plummeting to the ground…  
Lying dead still… blinded by dust… moving slowly… feeling… nothing broken, amputated, lost….rolling over… crawling up… sitting… estimating….electrician will have to come….

Two hours later… time for …
Project – UNBLOCK WASH BASIN;

Pamphlet: “Push the end of the snake into the drain opening and turn the handle on the drum that contains the coiled-up snake.
Keep pushing more of the snake into the drain until you feel resistance. You may have to apply pressure when cranking the
handle to get it to bend around the tight curve in the trap under the sink…..”

Ag, this is mos easy. Much better than changing a bulb…Take snake from the box. Put snake into basin…. push…sliding down… Ah!!… Resistance…something hard…push harder… nothing moves…pressure… still nothing… press harder… nog fokkol… this thing is broken… it’s not working…. try full body weight… now push down!!!

FOK!!! Basin in hundred pieces…water spraying from wall….water everywhere…. bathroom flooded… Running around in circles… grabbing towels… grabbing buckets…. propping towels in wall… more towels… screaming for help… dogs slipping, sliding… falling over each other… anxiously barking… looking for stop tap…. running outside…looking everywhere… running around the house… yelling… nowhere… why, why never asked… screaming for help… phoning son … no answer… son in PE… voicemail… screaming a voice-message… desperate….phoning ex… Dank Vader no answer…back to bathroom… totally unreachable…waves from front door… wishing for surfboard… or a boogie board… or maybe a kite-surf… even a boat…(preferably a ski one…)

Acknowledged helplessness. Started praying. Son in PE called… deciphered message… called plumber.

Plumber arrived in record time. Found stop tap on pavement. Fixed basin in minutes. Doctor took hours to fix me….

The end of my Electrical and Plumbing D.I.Y career…

Maybe must try gardening… or painting… or building…even tiling / paving….

There are so many fields to explore….

With the right tools…another time…

and this… my personal favorite… for being free to practice.. experience…to make mistakes…. to be your own person…. enjoy!! 

(to be continued)